If you want to buy a jacked-up gigantic diesel 4x4 pickup truck with huge mag tires that's fine with me...but you better fucking use it. If you have one of these monsters and it is NOT covered in blood, mud, scratches, and dents then you're a phoney with a little dick. You should be knocking over trees and hauling boulders every waking minute.
I saw one of these at H.E.B. the other day - taking up FOUR parking spaces - that didn't have a mark on it. It was chromed out and spotless. I thought, man that guy must have a microscopic dick! His dick is probably just a theory some physicist came up with!
"Here we have the nucleus of the atom, then the proton, then - smaller still - the electron, then the quark, and then this guy's dick. It can't be detected with any known technology, because it's so small, but we believe it is there."
I've got a small mid-size pickup. Why? Because I live in a city. I'm not going to be uprooting sequoias or transporting space shuttle parts. I might, and this is a HUGE might, help a buddy move a couch or a beer keg. I don't need a truck big enough to hold senate meetings in to survive...and neither do most of the idiots who have these trucks.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Hey, Dick!
How is the name Dick short for Richard? How did this happen? The first Richard to do this must of really hated himself. "Hi, my name is Richard...but just call me Dick." Poor guy. Must have been manic depressive or something. That would be like me saying "Hi, my name is Clif...but just call me Filthy Asshole."
My name has always caused me a little trouble. It's Clif with one f. Why just one? Because it's short for Clifton, which only has one f. Of course, people always assume it's short for Clifford, which has two f's, so everyone spells it Cliff. It's still better than Dick, though.
"My name is Richard."
"Could you spell that, please?"
"D-i-c-k."
"Don't be so fucking hard on yourself, man!"
When I was in middle school my buddies and I had disgusting nicknames for each other based off of our real names:
Clifton Haley - Queefing Hardly
Bill Duncan - Bowel Dumping
Asa Nolen - A-suck Nutsack
Real creative stuff, you know.
My name has always caused me a little trouble. It's Clif with one f. Why just one? Because it's short for Clifton, which only has one f. Of course, people always assume it's short for Clifford, which has two f's, so everyone spells it Cliff. It's still better than Dick, though.
"My name is Richard."
"Could you spell that, please?"
"D-i-c-k."
"Don't be so fucking hard on yourself, man!"
When I was in middle school my buddies and I had disgusting nicknames for each other based off of our real names:
Clifton Haley - Queefing Hardly
Bill Duncan - Bowel Dumping
Asa Nolen - A-suck Nutsack
Real creative stuff, you know.
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